Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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