so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How naked do you want me to be?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
