True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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