what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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