I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
