she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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