Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
