At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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