its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
