dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
