My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
