When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
