Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
