I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
