And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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