What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
