i just had sex bonerless
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
