So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
organizing the empties. That sober.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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