im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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