Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
