Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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