well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
