I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
