I have demons in me.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
