I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
