Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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