That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
