I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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