Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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