Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
