It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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