Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's Friday. Sex?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
