can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
