I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
