my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
