she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
