so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
