i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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