I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
