I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
