Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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