Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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