a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
from now on my penis is your penis
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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