i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
