I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
