Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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