I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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