Soap is not a condiment
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
