I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
