whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
