yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
