I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
