I'm so fucking centered right now
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
